Do You Know What You Really Want From Your Life?

I am having some troubling times. One question is coming again & again in my mind for past several years. This question has troubled me in past & its troubling me now even more. The question is " What I really want from my life?". This was supposed to be very easy question to solve as there cant be many answers to this question. But still I think I am not able to answer this question. Why this question is so difficult to answer? I think I am still not able to find my core. There are certain things which I think might be my true calling. I dont have material desires but I want to do three things in my life;

1) First Thing: I want to open a school which gives good quality education to underpriviledged children in semi urban or rural areas at very nominal or no cost. As I believe education is the only tool which can change the face of India & the individual. Whatever I am today is because of education and I understand its importance very well. My late father always knew importance of education and always forced all siblings to never compromise while learning. He knew that education is the only tool which can bring anyone out of the clutches of poverty & help you in realising your dreams and make you better productive member of the society. He forced all my siblings & me to study & study very hard and its because of him, I am what I am today.

2) Second Thing: I want to open an old age home for neglected senior citizens. I am still amazed how so many Indians just abandon their parents in old age. The country where our scriptures says that since God cant be present in physical form everywhere thats why he created parents. I know some parents are also at fault as they are not able to adjust with changing times & habits of this modern age but still its duty of the children to take care of their parents. its not like that I didnt fight with my father. We had disagreement on many things & I know I have his stubborn nature in me. I miss his presence in my life. I never talked much with him but still when he was alive, it felt like there is some one whose hand is there on my head. I am what I am today is because of him. His strict discipline & way of simple living has taught me many thing. I wish I had some more years with him to let him know how much I admire him & how much I have learned from his own life. He is gone & sometimes I just wish that he would appear from somehwere and shout at me for sleeping so late on holidays. He never liked it and he had this habit of making the other person aware that he is not liking something. He was brutly blunt & honest to the core and I feel proud that I am his son. He was rarely tensed in any situation. He had great wealth of knowledge & lots of stories to tell for making his point. I have inherited some of his qualities. Although I havent been able to live with him much becuase of my education & job but feeling of his presence in my life was the guiding light & the support pillar around which my whole family revolved. My brother had good fortune of serving my father all these years. Yes it was very tough to deal with my father sometimes but every human has certain faults and true love exists when you can overlook the faults a little and focus more on care, goodwill & affection. So its necessary to give care, love & affection to old age when the parents truly need it. Munshi Premchand was the great writer in hindi language. I have read his one story by name "Budhi Kaki" in school in 5th class. That story is still fresh in my mind. He writes there "Budhapa Bahuda bachpan ka punaragaman hua karta hai" means " the old age is generally the repetition of childhood". I think he is very right as old people become more & more stubborn in many cases like the children and needs our special care & attention. I would request all new parents to take care of their parents like they take care of their kids.

3) Third Thing: I want to open a multi specialty hospital & medical college in remote corners of India, which will do treatment as very low or no cost to poor. They will certainly charge those who can afford to pay.

I know to fulfill these dreams I need to have lots of money and I am not the individual who has that kind of money. But still if I ever choose to do business in my life then these 3 things would be ultimate thing for which I would like to earn money.

Anyways when this going to happen is secret buried in future. I have always lived the life with the flow, tried to live life as it comes, face the challenges as & when life throws them to me. In my life I have experienced that the things after which I try to run after, are the things which I never get. I dont know whats the reason. May be its some unseen hand which wants me to stay away from certain things and guiding or pushing me to achieve something other. I think in this way because I need to have some logic through which my heart & mind can understand it too. Its very difficult situation for me when I my mind doesnt understand something. It makes me awake in nights & mad in days just to know why this has happened with me in this way. So to keep mind satisfied, I have built up this argument and I think my mind understands it well and it becomes easy for me to go on with flow of life.

But still I dont know what I want from my life and its very dangerous situation to be in. My condition sometimes becomes like a headless chicken who doesnt know where to go & what to do. The choice would have been as simple as like I get married to someone, have kids & just live like many others are living. Its fairly simple process which doesnt involve lots of thinking as you will become so much busy that probably you wont have time to think on "what you really want from your life". As I have seen many people like that. But is that what I really want to do? I still dont know.. What I know is I want to serve my motherland by any mean possible. There are examples like Vivekanand, Anna Hazare & Baba Ramdev in front of me to take the lessons from. But I am still figuring it out do I have this much courage to leave everything and just get immersed in big ocean of India? What will happen to some of my worldly desires which still keeps me going in present state? I have got one thing clear in my head that I love my country, I love India.. and there is a strong desire to serve people of this land so that we will again be known as world's guru in every field. All the great people of the world have told that you need to find something which you love and once you find it you will know how to create wonders with it. I know what I love but still there is lots of confusion for ways & means to do what you love.

I can directly take plunge in Baba Ramdev's movement & help him in his fight against high & mighty as I believe Babaji is doing great service to India & Indians by taking up the cause of common man. So is this the thing which I want to do? But I have some loans to pay & if I dont earn money than who is going to take care of that? I think I am going to postpone this decision to few more years so that I can settle my debts or may be its the excuse which I am taking for shying away from hard work ahead in that road. I am having some problem in deciding it. I also know that once who want to achieve or do something never talk too much about it and just do it. May be I need sometime to makeup my mind.. May be some past experiences are still haunting me.. May be I am not clear in my head what I am really seeking from this life as this life doesnt belong to me only.. some loved ones has right over it too.. So my dilemma continues.. Lucky are those people who really knew what they actually want.. Like Steve jobs.. he clearly knew he loved computers & technologies and wanted to make best use of them to produce marvelous gadgets for humanity.. Like Vivekanand ji knew that he wants to reestablish the respect for Sanatan Dharma in world.. I think he didnt knew it initially but Ramkrishnaji made him aware of this.. Like Baba Ramdev & Anna Hazare know that they want to see corruption free India & playing their bit.. These people clearly know what they want... But problem with me is I dont know what I really want.. I am stuck up sometimes in worldly desires & sometimes in lofty ideals of serving the humanity..

I think this is the situation with most of the common individuals like me.. I think this is the difference between ordinary & extra ordinary.. The extraordinary ones clearly knew from their early age what they really wanted to do with their life.. while the lesser mortal like me are still not clear what they really want to do.. I have not found my calling yet & I am still confused with this question.. I pray & hope that I find it out soon.. I hope that all those who are reading this blog also find their true calling so that we can live in a better world.. because until you love what you do , you dont bring the best in it.. I am a soul which is trapped in some body.. I want to be free and until I know my true calling I will remain trapped in boundation .. I pray to almighty that he guides my intellect in right direction and help me in choosing the right thing..

मेरी कवितायेँ ; कब तक

इतना दर्द सहा है अब तक ,
लेकिन मूक रहूँ में कबतक ?

मन में उठते झंझावातों से,
अकेला लड़ता रहूँ में कबतक ?

उसकी यादों की आगों में ,
यूँ ही जलता रहूँ में कबतक ?

हर कदम पे धोखा खाकर ,
सब कुछ सहता रहूँ में कबतक ?

खुद ही जल के , यूँ ही मिट के,
आंसूं पीता रहूँ में कबतक ?

उसने दिए हमेशा ज़ख्म है मुझको ,
ये ज़ख्म सीता रहूँ में कबतक ?

उसको चाहां बस यही खता थी मेरी ,
इस खता को रोता रहूँ में कबतक ?

लेकिन फिर भी इंतज़ार उसका है मुझको ,
ये इंतज़ार करता रहूँ में कबतक ??

"भूमिपुत्र"

Steve Jobs: Its NOT years in your LIFE but LIFE in your YEARS which counts

I woke up in morning.. No not exactly morning but around 10:30 AM as its Dashahara, a holiday, today. Todays plan included going to Garba ground in evening to see last day of beautiful festival's last Garba this year... My friend joined for breakfast and he was switching channels and I heard the shocking news of Steve Jobs demise. Though there were news about his falling health in media, talks about how he is losing lots of weight and he may have few weeks left in his life but I believed that with so much advancement in medical science a super rich like Steve will win the battle eventually. He was living in US which is again the seat of learning for majority of miracles in modern medicine. This again boosted my confidence that the Tech Guru & one of the world's greatest innovator would pull off something of miracle sort and will defeat the disease like he has defeated the market forces with his great innovations all these years.

He breathed life in APPLE when people were busy in writing its obituary in 1997. It was almost God like thing the way he made APPLE sit on pinnacle of the glory from ashes of destruction. APPLE's share were at $4 when he took over in 1997. Micheal Dell even told that if he was the CEO then he thinks APPLE is in such a bad shape that he would just sell it in pieces.. Thank God that instead of Micheal, it was Steve who was the CEO and today the APPLE's share are worth around 400 times of what they were in 1997. What he achieved in 56 years of his life is a lesson for all around the world. His hard work & genius made APPLE world's biggest company as per market valuation and its such a wonderful miracle in just 15 years. He has co authored some 300 patents in his life of 56 years that too without having any formal education in engineering.

His life is like almost a fairy tale. The ups & down of his life, the trauma of being thrown out of his own company by someone whom you have chosen as CEO then returning back to the same company after 10 years and making its world's biggest company in next 15 years, changing the way people look & feel computers, their music, their phones , bringing extra-ordinariness from the ordinariness and simplicity with all style & charm.. What a wonderful life you have lived Steve.. You have truly made others counting for life in their number of years rather than years in their life..

I have always believed in one concept in my life.. I know I am not some big shot but still I have always believed in that you have to define your core values on which you are never ever going to compromise come what may. I have defined few bunch of them and I will write in detail about them in some other blog.. But for present context the first & foremost core value that I believe in is NEVER EVER to run behind money in my life.. Money or wealth can be byproduct of something that you are doing but it can never be your prime motive for doing certain things.. When you make money as prime motive for doing any activity then ultimately greed takes over and you start doing rat race for gaining more & more money.. you start overlooking the facts related to ethics and ways & means of making that money.. You start becoming a lesser human being and start ignoring basic tenets of humanity.. the criminals & corrupts behave in just this fashion.. For achieving something great & beautiful out of this life you prime motive should be greater benefit of humankind & society in general & I believe Steve just did that.. Through his innovations he always wanted to give something better to society and money was just a byproduct of his activities.. I just now have seal of Steve Jobs on one of my core values..

One person was able to change so much because he believed in his vision & hard work. I dont have words to write what I am feeling now as world has lost someone who could have done so much more in coming years. His was the one of the most productive life of a human being. The question which comes to my mind is why God takes away such a wonderful person at such a young age when many corrupts & thugs are living so happily. These thugs & corrupts are nothing but burden on mother earth & leeches who are getting fatter every day by sucking blood of common innocent people. The likes of Lalus, Mulayams, Mayas, Raj Thakreys, Karunanidhis, A Rajas, Gandhis, Digvijays, Sibals, Sharad Pawars and many more thugs like them keep on living and making earth a more worse place to live while likes of Vivekananda & Steve Jobs die young when they could have lived and added much more to quality of human life as a whole.

I am really saddened by the fact that Steve Jobs is no more. I have dropped the plan to see Garba tonight & would love to read more about this amazing human being. I know he wasnt all noble in his deeds but he was one of the greatest creative brains who has really changed the way we do some of the things in our daily life and for me whoever brings the change in quality of human life through his own personal genius is a person who deserves my salute & gratitude. He was bold in his thoughts & had the will power to succeed against all odds. This world is truly going to miss you Steve.. You were among the very few human beings, who would never accept the status quo and think different.. Its this thought which is seed of the great innovations & marvels in human history.. I will proudly say to future generations that I lived in times of Steve Jobs.. May you take a rebirth and born in India & solve the common man's problems through your creative genius.

मेरी कवितायेँ - जीवन

मनुष्य जीवन का एक ही पक्ष क्यूँ पहचानता है ?
शायद जानता है परन्तु अनजान बना रहना चाहता है !

सागर में यदि मोती है तो तूफ़ान भी तो है ,
मंथन में यदि अमृत है तो विष भी तो है ,

सूर्य में अगर जीवन है तो ताप भी तो है ,
बादलों में बरसात ही नहीं बिजली भी तो है ,

वृक्षों में अगर छाया है तो पतझड़ भी तो है ,
पर्वतों में यदि ऊंचाई है तो दुर्गमता भी तो है ,

पौधा यदि फुल खिलाता है तो वह कांटे भी देता है ,
चेहरा अगर ख़ुशी दिखाताहै तो आंसूं भी देता है ,

सूर्य केवल उदय नहीं अस्त भी होता है ,
फुल केवल खिलता नहीं मुरझाता भी तो है ,

मिलन यदि है कहीं तो वहीँ विरह भी तो है ,
जन्म यदि है कहीं तो वहीँ मृत्यु भी तो है ,

और गीता ने कहा है मृत्युं ही एकमात्र सम्भावना है ,
अतः हमें जीवन को समय के अनुसार ढालना है ,

जीवन तो हमेशा से ही विपरीतताओं का संगम है ,
यही बात समझ नहीं पाटा ये हमारा मन है ,

जीवन में दोनों पक्षों का सामंजस्य जरुरी है ,
सुख दुःख ऐसी रेखाएं है जो एक दुसरे के बिना अधूरी है ,

जीवन के झरने से सुख का संगीत तब तक नहीं निकलता,
जब तक वो संघर्ष की चट्टानों से निकलकर आगे नहीं बढ़ता !!

"भूमिपुत्र "